Unreal

Is what the longest day of my life has been.  I just came back from ur house and honestly it was healthy.  we cried together. but then we laughed some too.  it feels so unreal whats goin on right now.  Grandparents i didnt know, numbers in history books... but not u.  I realize im just trippin cuz ur happy where u r right now, way happier than anyone here can make u, so im just gonna be happy for u too.  no promises.  but i will try.  what do i do when everyone else is crying and i feel ok and when everyone calms down i freakin lose it?  what do i do when i see 3 gunmetal accord coupes that cant possibly have u in it.  what about when i look inside just in case and make more sad.  even tho i knew it was comin.  what do i do when i miss u so much i wanna fall on the floor and not get up?  today a chunk of my heart walked out the door carrying a coach bag, the coach bag came back but the piece will not.  In one easy to read sentence id say "ur the greatest. ever." 1 and a half sentences, sorry i lied.  Me n kevin had a conversation once about some shit n he said i never had a best friend like that before.  It was kinda shocking bc thats exactly how i feel about u and i just didnt know other ppl felt that way abt other ppl.  No one on this earth will ever understand our friendship.  We were bestfriends, but then at the same time more than best friends but at the same time not really somethin else.  It is for sure one of a kind and i at least have the bragging right to say no one has the same friendship with u as i do.  The good outweighs the bad. but i sure do wish u were around to let me make up for that bad stuff.  ya kno even the clouds turned black and the sky cried for u today.  but a fuckin lake of tears cant put a ruler up to how much i miss u.  I feel like i want to be mad but then theres no one to be mad at.  God carefully moved each piece and this is how it turned out and i havent considered being mad at Him.  but yet i feel like anger sadness and angst should be put on something, but nothins there so all it leaves is a bitter taste on my chapped lips dehydrated from too many tears.  U were a best friend like no other... NO other.  like my boy bill cosby said in jack, shooting stars only last a short time compared to the others but theyre the most beautiful of all.  how  true. how true.  beautiful u are.  missed u will be. by many. by me.  i wont say r.i.p. cuz i never liked that acronym much, it always seemed insincere.  its peaceful in heaven which is where i know u are so those words dont even need to be wasted on u.  "i got nailed in my interview today.  he said i ramble, i think im rambling now so i guess ill stop.  In fact i got a billion things i want to say to u but ill leave u with just one.

'I Love You So Damn Much'"

~Ashley Mahry Kazemi~

damn i need a couple more hours.  everyone who knows me knows i enjoy being lazy but one class 3 days of the 5 day week is too much even more me.

the apts pretty cool i guess.  its good for sleeping and being on the computer but most of the stuff to do is next door.

unity was pretty cool in my opinion.

i want to be a super dancer.  i needa get on the next level.  if u want to show me how, show me, im done with this stage.

my room is clean. there actually isnt anything on the floor that shouldnt be there.  i havent lived like that in a long time but it happens when ur friends come over and empty ur luggage on to the carpet forcing u to pick it up sooner or later

Jamile, i want u to win so u think u can dance but ur just not as versatile as the white boys.  win it for the funk styles mayn

i neglect some people sometimes. my heart and my attention only stretch in a limited amount of directions before they start to tear at the seams.

i forgot all about my article in the paper about being lactose intolerant and takin a nasty dump, there seems to be some interest in it so if u wanna read my column holla at me.

me and kevin are rushing kdphi. lessons 1 thru 3.  no ones stoppin us either. except for maybe erins roomate.

how come paul wall changed his rappin style since get ya mind correct?  that was one of my favorite albums of all time.

chris brown is tight.  run it! is a tight song.  i dont care if the kid is 16 i think the vid is tight.

i drank more sodas today than i have in the past couple years.

"how ya gonna rip it like that son?"

"the way ya drop drop makes me wanna pop pop.  is ya man, on tha floor?  if he aint, lemme know"

one of my sweat towels got real dirty somehow, it got some black stuff on it.  it might be awhile til its back in use.  damn.

My youth is wasting away, i need to be doin more while im still young.

ya kno what?  i want u to find me next time foo

charity date auction auditions in 2 weeks.  so i got 2 weeks to prepare my "talent" any suggestions?

i think u cant gain without sacrifice.  im ready to sacrifice, wheres the harvest?

can anyone touch the back of their head with the bottom of their foot?  shit isnt easy...

mcdonalds, how come ur chicken nuggets only come in 2 shapes?  the boot and the oval.  its been like that since chicken nuggets existed... whats the deal.

my video camera only has 1 hour battery life... everything else about my cam sounded tight during the sales pitch.  the dude told me it was 2 hours.  bastard.

alotta ppl wanna do exciting things all over the world.  cliff dive in hawaii, backpack across europe... me?  id rather stay around texas and do my big things here.  sometimes u gotta grab hold and make the world come to u.  in my opinion.

chairs are tight.

the tick was a tight cartoon.  does anyone remember that cartoon? 

some ppl are really wise in certain areas.  how did yall get that way? meh.

i read my horoscope for capricorns.  i have the lamest zodiac thing in the whole set.  it says im steady and unchanging.  predictable.... YEA RIGHT.  im far from predictable.  i woulda rather been a scorpio or a leo.  scorpios are known for passion and drive.  leos are known for wanting to be the star of the show.  i kno some leos that applies to.

if u want it, get it.  man do what has to be done at the time that it needs doing.  regrets dont have to exist to anyone. 

"and thats all i have to say about that."